Lupus, Sex, and “Getting Jiggy With It”…

This is a guest post by Elizabeth Hagen R.N. BSN.

Fighting a chronic illness on a daily basis can make a “roll in the hay” seem more like a Mount Everest expedition. For the person with lupus, sex can be even more of a challenge when battling obstacles like fatigue, fever, arthralgia (joint pain) and side effects of daily medications. When your sex life begins to affect your relationship, the vicious cycle starts….Let’s take a closer look at some pointers on how to keep the spice going in the bedroom when you’re feeling anything but your spiciest.

• Prioritize and Plan – I know what you’re thinking… scheduling anything, especially sex, sounds like a drag. However, make sex a priority as you would work, seeing friends, exercising and watching your favorite TV show. Many people battling Lupus get a set number of hours each day when they feel their best. Some patients feel great in the early morning, while others feel their best late at night, when daily meds have had the opportunity to kick in. You know your body; if night time is the “right” time, or you feel your most vibrant after a quick cat nap, grab your partner and take advantage of this time. Also, plan (when possible) when you think you will want to have relations. “A good plan is like a road map; it shows the final destination and usually the best ways to get there.”

• Use Your Imagination – This may sound strange at first, but envisioning yourself in the act can actually rev your body and get you in the mood. When you aren’t feeling well, daydreaming about your partner and being intimate can have a surprising effect on your mood. Pay attention to what you are fantasizing about – Are you taking a bubble bath together? Is cuddling on the menu? Share what you are craving most with your partner and then puts those daydreams into action. You may be surprised, but often times whatever you envision first, the end result can be even better.

• Accommodate for Fatigue – Fatigue and being utterly exhausted is a major symptom in lupus patients. If you are not having enough energy to engage in actual intercourse, be creative. Consider just engaging in foreplay or be intimate in other ways, such as a slow, romantic back or foot massage. Even lighting candles, playing some relaxing music and snuggling, sharing your favorite moments together (or your favorite qualities about one another), is a great way to bond when intercourse is off the menu for the night.

• Take a Moment to Destress – Take some time to relax and unwind prior to sex…whatever puts you at ease. If you are prone to muscle aches and fever, plan your medication properly. For example, a good friend of mine who has Lupus premedicates with Tylenol about an hour before sex, leaving pain and fever out of the equation when she is trying to focus solely on her partner. Light a candle, read a book, take a warm bath, have a glass of wine, meditate. You can do this alone or with your partner.

• Kick Body Pain Where it Hurts – Body aches and fatigue are no stranger to the person with lupus. Who wants to haxe sex with sore limbs and stiffness in all the wrong places? There are a few things you can do to ease your pain, such as OTC Tiger Balm (I know many people who swear by this stuff!), Bengay, Ibuprofen (speak to your doctor first), taking warm baths and using heating pads. If these remedies aren’t enough, ask your physician about a topical pain relieving medication such as Lidoderm patches.

• Stay Moving When Possible – On the “good” days, stay active and keep your joints moving with light-weight bearing exercises such as brisk walks, lifting light weights, yoga (restorative yoga is incredible, especially for those with chronic illness), Tai Chi, dancing,etc. Do what you enjoy. Having strong bones prevent fractures as you age (especially important for those on prednisone). Keeping physically active on a regular basis will not only make engaging in sex less tiring, it is beneficial in preventing depression (something many Lupus patients deal with)

• Know You are Unique and Beautiful – Most importantly, see yourself as someone more than “sick” or “that person with Lupus”. You are unique, beautiful and have so much to offer your partner and the world around you. Pamper yourself and keep yourself feeling beautiful by styling your hair, wearing makeup and treating yourself to a perfume that makes you feel incredible. Maybe a new piece of lingerie is in order? If money is an issue, check out the clearance page on Victoriassecret.com or even pick up a cute chemise at Target. Pick out something that makes you feel gorgeous (trust me, your partner will be turned on, especially when they see that you are feeling confident and sexy). All women deserve to feel beautiful, and feeling sexy is a crucial component to making love.

Most importantly, be upfront and forthright with your partner when you are not feeling your best. Your partner will appreciate your honesty. Nothing is worse than not effectively communicating; you do not want you’re “not feeling well” moments to be perceived as not having feelings of passion for your partner any longer.What makes you feel your sexiest when Lupus is rearing its ugly head? Do you have any additional tips you would like to share with our readers? We would love to hear them – please comment below!

About Elizabeth Hagen: Elizabeth Hagen is a Registered Nurse living in Manhattan, N.Y. She graduated Pace University in 2010 with a degree in Nursing. In her spare time she enjoys running, skiing and cooking. She also has a BFF with Lupus and “gets it”!!